Portland, Oregon – On Saturday, the Evergreen family held their annual debate of whether or not to buy a real or fake Christmas tree this holiday season. For the past one-hundred and twenty-seven years, the “Real Trees” had always won, but the “Fake Trees” were convinced that they would win this year. 

Dad, on the “Real Tree” team, decided to come to the debate with the same argument every dad has used for the past one-hundred and twenty-seven years, “We can’t live without the smell of Christmas spirit, dead pine needles.” On the other hand, estranged Aunt Susan, no longer a part of the family, argued that “Fake trees are more environmentally friendly,” stating she heard it from “one of those hippies or something.” What team were the other fifteen family members on you might ask, well, grandma presided over the debate to decide on the final ruling, shortly falling asleep, and the rest said they “simply didn’t care.”

The debate went on throughout all of Saturday afternoon, followed by a short recess for napping until Sunday morning when the closing arguments were to be heard. Dad made it firm that the real Christmas tree is what connects the family during the holiday season; it’s the main symbol of the true meaning of Christmas. He’s “not cleaning it up or having anything to do with watering it, but that’s not the point; the youngest in the family can do that.” Aunt Susan loudly and clearly stated, “I think it just might help the environment.”

Grandma had an extremely tough decision. She decided Aunt Susan. That was when she remembered that she had been the only one to call her to sing happy birthday this year.

Dad was furious. He didn’t have any words. He couldn’t believe that he had missed Grandma’s birthday. He tried arguing that this is his house and he can do what he wants, but we know that’s not true. He even went as far as saying, “the debate was rigged because grandma has dementia,” but we also know that’s not true, according to grandma. Dad reaccounted observing the distraught in the rest of the Evergreen family’s eyes, as they scrolled through their Instagram feeds. He ran outside, struggling to hold himself together, and collapsed on his knees in the fresh snow, blanketing the ground. Looking out at the evergreen trees, he said, “God what will we do without a real Christmas tree this year? It just won’t be the same.”

Written By: Greigh Cloward